Dear frens of me the miao, me have very very sad thing to announce :@
The horrible duck has been UNFAITHFUL!!!! And some more not one, not two but three times around the block!! he tinks i dunno but i can tell he has been giving scritches to the little tortie girl at the block across the carpark, the ticked tabby boy at the mama store AND the black&white boozer right downstairs!!! No wonder he tells me he no got time to play with me liao nowsadays! He used up all his scritches liao!! Wah!! What shall i do to make sure he behaves har??
Not only he no give me scritches but he some more like to throw me out of the bedroom in the morning when i try to wake him up!! me so good, better than any alarm clock, cos i always go and sing to him at dawn and smack him if he dun wake up. But he not only dun wan give me breakfast but he throw me out of the room and close the door! RAWR!!! This time, though, me have witness!!!
Now to get back at duck.... last week hor (he never dare say one but me tell you all) he went Sentosa, probably thinking he could see some hot beach volleyball babes. But end up he somehow fall from a great high rock to a lower rock (i suspect he was trying to water his duck to show off to gers in passing boats) and bleed like a leech (i think he was also the cause of this bengkok tower). Well, he fell with a blood-curling yell and the result was much blood everywhere!! (this incident also got witness one, so dun say i anyhow say one hor). And those of you who know duck probably know aledy that he turns into jelly when he see blood. So he just lie there on the rock and cry like a puck until all the nice people got so sian they wanted to feed him to the sea slugs. One good thing from him losing so much blood though is that his duck was out of function for some time....
Then yesterday at home dunno what he was doing, but while i was minding my own business in my box, the duck suddenly screamed like he was being arse-fucked. And it turned out that this was just what happened, he claimed later. It seems he was trying to gostan and then his naked backside kissed slammed into the arm of the couch which achieved contact with his prostrate semi-penetration sans lubrication. As you all well know, duck isn't very flexible, so he couldn't check whether his piping was intact, although he insists it felt like it wasn't. But he refused to take up my offer to check for tears and lacerations, which was silly of him, as tears and lacerations are just my sort of expertise... *ahem* Instead, he wanted someone with a more tender touch. Hmph!! Oh and by the way, I guess this means he is no longer a virgin....
Duck says all this going outdoors will make him look tan and hot. Me say it makes him stinky and sweaty. As for getting dark, he was clearly pale when he got home today. Turns out a bunch of hoodlums in funny-coloured hair were chasing a lesser hoodlum at the food centre. When they reached the eating area, they hurled chairs and hooted the fellow. Then they left him lying there, waving their fists and scowling like constipated vogons at everyone they passed by, including the duck. No wonder he came back trembling like he got involuntarily deflowered defeathered. Had to smack him hard to remind him to prepare my dinner! Pity me for having such a ball-less duck!
Yes you should have heard the duck screaming like a little girl! And oh the blood was everywhere... and the onchs and sea slaters were all greedily lapping it all up. =D
Coming up next: invasion of the giant bloodsucking nerites!
Posted by: Hai~Ren | 28 May 2007 at 09:26 AM