Dear frens of me the miao,
while the duck
sits squats on his nest porcelain throne, let me share with you a few things we found out recently. We learnt that:
• it takes nearly an hour to walk from home to Bishan as the duck is too cheapskate nowadays to take the bus and he fancies the trip will give him a sexy tan and trimmer beer belly,
• this particular wobbly ah pek, when asked if he needed help getting down the stairs on an overhead crossing, very politely declines the offer of assistance and asks, "Can you gimme some money" instead,
• paper clips and chest hair are a painful combination,
• turtles take years, or even decades, to grow for the noble purpose of becoming exquisite culinary treats for hungry men, while snakes exist primarily to be killed, either in primal fear or by accidental design, and you can find out all about the exact species of snake that you are throttling at this upcoming talk at Tampines Library,
• there are people who are honest enough not to care, while others just pretend to,
• ripped fingers and bloody mouths are the plight that awaits pet slow lorises,
• my feline cousins, when turned into wine and dried powder, can cure everything from rheumatism to laziness, but not wilful stupidity,
• allowing legal ivory sales doesn't seem to prevent declines in wild elephant populations,
• ogre movies are not at all suitable for chewren; duck agrees, he thinks the film shows too much ass and pussy and pushes the joy of procreation to an underaged audience,
• action sequences combined with wedding proposals are more painful to watch than Sao Feng's steam team,
• in this country, you don't warrant even a half-baked reason for job termination if you are too smart for your own good,
• the supermarket in Bishan no longer stocks Australian muesli, meaning the duck will have to switch to bird food instead,
• while Singaporeans are whining about their lack of garbage bags, folks down under are toting totes with style,
• what appears to be a tattoo is actually a pain-in-the-butt plaster for the mascot monkey,
• they are everywhere!
• the females of some caprellid shrimps kill the males with a poisonous claw after mating,
• poultry don't have sphincter muscles, so it's no wonder duck can't be litter-trained,
• before you get your own pet waterfowl, please ask yourself, "Are You Ready For A Duck?"
• that love can be unconditional, even if it hurts.