Sea snake

There's always something new to see on the shore. Earlier in the evening, a scarlet sky rained down on virgin brides, who paraded on Labrador Park with pre-marital gloom and no inkling of the wild things that lurk between soft sheets. But come dusk, the fishing jetty becomes a hive of more sinister couplings, one of which probably led to our discovery of a six-inch creature long suspected to be not uncommon but seldom encountered in broad daylight due to its cryptic habits.

More innocent souls have suggested that this is an uprooted soft coral or sea pen, based on the polyp-like protrusions along its length. It appears, however, to be a non-colonial animal, although the possibility that some of its tribe engage in group activities cannot be ruled out. Clammier minds suspect it to be a deep sea burrowing holothurian that had extruded its pale innards in self defence. While plausible, this idea is countered by the beast's still turgid mesodermal state.

Knowledgeable observers should therefore conclude that this is a rare, tubercled form of the one-eyed trouser snake, Ophis monoocellatus ssp. tuberculata. Normally found attached as a pseudo-parasite to larger bodies forced to heed its biding, this hot-blooded reptile is notable for its ontogenic exuberance and phenotypic plasticity that ranges from jellylike softness to rock-hard stiffness. Specimens in all shapes and shades are known, but this is clearly a pale morph that once suppressed the brain activities of its unhappy host.

The ecological niche of this atrophied tetrapod appears to be damp and dark crevices that offer little room for lateral movement. Most active at night, the snake's natural prey is thought to be a common but elusive species of feline, but less finicky individuals will accept artificial substitutes. Precise observations of its habits are sadly scarce as the creature, save for captive specimens bred for unrealistic length and stamina, tends not to perform under pressure. Despite being the subject of innumerable taboos and irrational fears, this semi-aquatic reptile still survives thanks to an abundance of suitable habitats. The Singapore Red List does not regard this species as threatened, but field experience suggests that the creature should be classified as Extremely Vulnerable to pain and ridicule, as well as being outcompeted by non-native taxa.

Comments

[Aydin]

is it one of the edible subspecies?

[PBurns]

And never step on one!

[woc]

Hahaha. One eyed trouser snake indeed. Thanks provided much needed amusement to an otherwise dreary day.

[budak]

yes, i think some eat them raw...